Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Snooze button (poem)
Im burning in the inside,
Internal bleeding,
My lungs don't expand,
My heart hates beating,
Im less of a man cause I scrap peas, while you congressman has all the cabbage for your needs.
I'm a premature baby who can't afford the care, as the healthy congressman let's me be declared.
My issue was deferred.
He just hit the snooze button.
I've killed for you,
Covered up for you,
Not just one term served,
I've done quite a few
I make the steps in your place,
You ll make me fight pointless battles to save face.
Finally I'm home,
One limb less,
Can't get a job,
Diagnose with post-dramatic stress.
Congressman I've done every thing see,
But why when I'm come home you dont care about me?
my issue was ignored.
He just hit the snooze button.
Black man I am. I done seen it all,
When I stood strong,
I stood tall,
Till the man came in,
And made me fall.
Since then I've been a slave,
Physically then,
Mental now.
But I have the upper hand,
I'll tell you how,
See the congressman has always sleep on me!
If that wasn't true I'd not be free,
See the congressman has always sleep on me!
If that wasn't true then who be Ali?
See the congressman would be smart not to sleep on me.
Im the Boss now,
My first initial is B
Like the first in my skin.
Change is needed now,
I demand it my friends,
Let's make America great
let's fight till The end!
We allow the congress to sleep on our needs and simply hit the snooze button to defer us.
Say with me,
Congressman don't sleep on me.
The sound of aggravating noise wakes him up. He grabbed his phone and hits the snooze button.
We can't expect others not to snooze on us, when we in fact snooze on ourselves.
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You definitely know How to get your point across, but there are a few glaring errors. Mostly, grammatically speaking, this is a mess. Subject-verb agreement has gone out the window.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Stylistically, I feel that you are too blunt and direct. I feel as if the point of writing a poem is to leave some element of a schroud of mystery to it, but reading yours felt as if I were reading a speech that happened to rhyme every so often.
You're not bad and have potential, but could definitely benefit from some help and writing development
Thank you! yeah I write slam because I plan to say it, not others to here it. I noticed most grammatical errors but I allow everything I put down to be up for interpretation.
ReplyDelete